The last time I sent you something through this, I sent my hopes of winning you back. I couldn't help but think that now could be something different.
For starters, I haven't written anything like this for quite a long while. I have been preoccupied with work, my struggles, and the things that I did in between; although mostly that would be work - being that I had quite a time trying to distract myself from the things that have been hurting me.I tried doing therapies, or "receiving" rather. I said "tried" because I never continued them enough to be successful, I haven't had a taste of that success, sweet victory, and I couldn't even bother to ask why because in itself, that would be another way of contemplating - something that I had been trying to miss.
But still, it has been a "hit and miss". Life has been a hit and miss. It's a mess. By now, the penultimate conclusion I might have to give to this would be to distance myself from anyone. Luckily, COVID taught us we could do that, and at that, for a very long time. I've had this verse in my head that I just couldn't continue, probably something mental, but here it went, "Gone are the party hats, we're doing birthdays in facial masks...".
I've made up catchy verses before, I should know when I saw one. But, going back, a lot has been written about love, and the absence of it. Funnily enough, I came across two songs last night connected through Paul McCartney. One was something McCartney wrote but was given to Peter and Gordon, "A World Without Love". The longing of the composer was disguised through the upbeat music. Happy chords, grievous chords. In the end, the song would beg its listeners, "Would you be brave enough to live in a world without love?"
The next one would be "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys, a masterpiece from Brian Wilson. Paul McCartney had praised the song and the album where it came from multiple times, one that inspired him to create his own masterpiece, "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". In "God Only Knows", another mystery was raised, "What could I be without you? God Only Knows."
I've officially entered a quarter of life, though I wouldn't be expecting to reach a full century. And at this point, I've come to realize that I might not be fully equipped to be with someone, to be someone's someone.
At best, I'm a distraction. At worst, I'm the destruction.
Without love, and without you, what could one person really be?
God only knows.
