Life of Brian

The last time I sent you something through this, I sent my hopes of winning you back. I couldn't help but think that now could be something different.

For starters, I haven't written anything like this for quite a long while. I have been preoccupied with work, my struggles, and the things that I did in between; although mostly that would be work - being that I had quite a time trying to distract myself from the things that have been hurting me.

I tried doing therapies, or "receiving" rather. I said "tried" because I never continued them enough to be successful, I haven't had a taste of that success, sweet victory, and I couldn't even bother to ask why because in itself, that would be another way of contemplating - something that I had been trying to miss.

But still, it has been a "hit and miss". Life has been a hit and miss. It's a mess. By now, the penultimate conclusion I might have to give to this would be to distance myself from anyone. Luckily, COVID taught us we could do that, and at that, for a very long time. I've had this verse in my head that I just couldn't continue, probably something mental, but here it went, "Gone are the party hats, we're doing birthdays in facial masks...".

I've made up catchy verses before, I should know when I saw one. But, going back, a lot has been written about love, and the absence of it. Funnily enough, I came across two songs last night connected through Paul McCartney. One was something McCartney wrote but was given to Peter and Gordon, "A World Without Love". The longing of the composer was disguised through the upbeat music. Happy chords, grievous chords. In the end, the song would beg its listeners, "Would you be brave enough to live in a world without love?"

The next one would be "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys, a masterpiece from Brian Wilson. Paul McCartney had praised the song and the album where it came from multiple times, one that inspired him to create his own masterpiece, "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". In "God Only Knows", another mystery was raised, "What could I be without you? God Only Knows."

I've officially entered a quarter of life, though I wouldn't be expecting to reach a full century. And at this point, I've come to realize that I might not be fully equipped to be with someone, to be someone's someone.

At best, I'm a distraction. At worst, I'm the destruction.

Without love, and without you, what could one person really be?

God only knows.

Happy Anniversary

A 2018 Netflix movie called "Happy Anniversary" explored and gave us the story of a couple that was supposed to celebrate their third wedding anniversary. Sadly, it was not a happy one.

Official movie poster from imdb.com

Directed by Jared Stern, his directorial debut, "Happy Anniversary" opened up with the woman saying to her man that she was "not happy". For a person who has been having a long-term relationship with somebody, that has got to be shattering. No person who invested his or her love deeply would be happy after hearing those words. However, those words should not be taken away from couples. Those words should be said one way or another.

"Not happy" does not always mean "I want to get away from you, I want to leave you, I don't love you anymore." Sometimes, it only means "there is something wrong that should be fixed." Long-term relationships are messy, a crazy roller coaster ride with lots of bumps, curves, and ups and downs, but the thing that makes it worthwhile is this: You are in that roller coaster ride with that someone you love deeply sitting beside you and taking the challenges that come along in the ride with you. 

Personally, I have a lot to think about this very topic. Not that I am unsure with my love, but because I have numerous wrongdoings and shortcomings, I do not know if I am still worth her love.

I wanted her to change into the person that I wanted her to be - to be just as mature and to be the same person as I am. However, that thinking was wrong in all aspects. I should not be wanting her to change, I should just accept her as she was when I decided that I would court her and ask for a chance to love her. Here's what I just learned - both of us had our own shares of wrongdoings, shortcomings, and personal issues, among other flaws. I should not blame her for that and force her to change, and vice versa. Accepting that love could still be perfect despite the imperfections, that would be a clear sign of true love. Love would do the work eventually.

Another thing that I should be very sorry for, I wanted love to be convenient. However, love would never be convenient at all times. Love would be expressed and shown best when it would be inconvenient. When there would be hassle, stress, and irritations for you, and you would still go all the way just to show love to that person, that would be a clear sign that you truly love that person. 

I have broken most of the promises I made, however, as long as I have the time, I would try to replace those promises with legit actions to let you know I would still love you no matter what. 

Still, love is on its way. Love is still going to keep on loving you. I am sorry.

Happiness in a relationship is not forever because quarrels and misunderstandings are inevitable. Staying in a relationship is a decision you should make, just as happiness is a decision to look on the brighter side of things. Acceptance truly is the key.

Love?

"What's love without trust and respect?"

"I don't know, but as long as there is love, you can't give up on it."

I want to ask you something

It's a question about love

How would you get the feeling

That it is sent from above

You long for love

But not only love

You need trust and respect

That's how it works in your retrospect

But what if I can't 

Give those three that you called

Does it mean we're not meant

To be together after all

You long for love,

I'm afraid, I do, too

Also, I'm not perfect

Oh girl, please don't you try to expect

But I'd give love

I'd pour love onto you

Oh, don't give up

Just give me love, too

As much as I want to linger

I have a feeling I could not

I have a feeling I'm not what you ordered

Somebody might take my spot

'Cause you long for love

But not only love

Little by little, piece by piece

I will try to be the man of your dreams

Photo by Gus Moretta from unsplash.com

Shattered.

John Lennon said it was all we need.
Bernard Sumner said it would only tear us apart.

Glenn Frey and company kept the faith and said it would keep us alive.

Jason Mraz preached that it was still the answer.

Even when we are shattered.

Jason Mraz album art from Amazon

The Art of Saying “Sorry”

“Sorry” seems to be the hardest word, as depicted in the Elton John song. But on what grounds? On what basis? Is it really hard to say “sorry”? Will I ever stop from referencing songs?

The common logic about saying "sorry" is that the one who says it is automatically guilty of doing something offensive to the other party. The first one to stay “sorry” admits his or her guilt over any issue. Although it may be wrong to think of that, it may also be not wrong to do so.

Since we were young, we have already been thought of apologizing for the wrong and awful things that we did to or have caused others.

However, thinking deeper about the matter, saying you are sorry to the other party just manifests the existing humility and courage within. Saying you are sorry to the other party means that you are humble enough to acknowledge that something wrong, or awful has happened. It does not automatically mean you are guilty of the crime, it means you are guilty of feeling bad for what has happened. Still, anyone can be humble enough to take the blame. Not everyone will be courageous enough to be responsible for the matter.

We should be sorry for getting things without borrowing them, for having access to secure and valued things (or whatever) without having the appropriate permissions to do so. We should be sorry for invading the things we have no jurisdiction of.

We should be sorry for being late and wasting the time of the other party, for being reckless and inconsiderate of others’ efforts and limits.

We should be sorry and be responsible for the consequences of actions that we have control over. We must not blame anyone (or anything) else. Think of a "common good" resolution to the problem, instead of an escape plan.

We should be sorry for causing disappointments and dismays, to our friends and colleagues, to lovers, and mostly, to our mothers and fathers. Man up and change.

Clearly, saying “sorry” states that the speaker himself is disappointed and unhappy with the way things have occurred. It embodies the initial desire to change the unfortunate turn of events into something that is desirable and pleasing to the offended and/or disappointed party.

Saying “sorry” does not need a clarification or a clearance that it is you who committed the deed. It only needs you to man up and have the desire for making things better for the benefit of all.

“Sorry” will always be the hardest word but not until it is said from the bottom of your sorry heart.