Imagining Your Audience

What better way to come back to writing than to have a looking back at the year that was 2024.

This year was quite a big one. It was challenging, a wild rollercoaster ride, and a marathon that seemed to stretch beyond the 42K mark. But hey, we’re already at the end of it. “Yo, Adrian, we did it!”

Since we’re already running late, let’s get on with it. Shall we?

For a timid individual such as I am, I’m not fond of having the spotlight turned at me. The stage would be something on the top of the “Things I’m Scared of” list. The top spot still belongs to the Lady Gaga Illuminati Conspiracy. Coming in for a close second spot is the Paul Is Dead Conspiracy. Is it safe to say I’m a believer of conspiracy theories?

Going back, what made that year different were the times I pushed myself outside the box. The man who was afraid of the spotlight went on to different speaking engagements and actually said things that matter.

It was never on my listed plans for that year to speak to a group, even a mixed group of professionals. But hey, that year was complicated. That year was different. That year was unusual, but good, nonetheless.

The first one back in January (MEPF Town Hall), I was a designated speaker on a refresher talk for my then-group, under Construction MEPF. Not bad for ta first time, and in fact, I was just a replacement being that the first speaker was my then-mentor who was not able to attend the refresher talk. He had to leave for a management-initiated level improvement. And I must say, it worked out well for the both of us.

Honestly speaking, the topic was new to me, and not necessarily my niche but learning’s fun. And as I spoke, I also learned. I went on to do the same talk again to the same group albeit with new members in September for another round of Town Hall.

The second and third quarter of that year focused on further developing my public speaking skillset. I was enlisted on various Learning & Development talks focusing on various topics that would supposedly help me improve in my field. However, what I really got on those talks was the art of public speaking itself. Being that there were different topics, there were also different speakers which meant different approaches and methods were handed out to us.

 

As months passed, I didn’t essentially think that I would be putting such learnings to practice. Not until my lateral movement was finally effective. And I guess that would warrant a story separate from this.

In the last quarter of that year, I transferred to another department. The transfer was highly evident being that from doing field work on site, I would now be seated on a third-floor office space, facing my laptop most of the time.

This was when I heard the wonderful news that I would be one of the speakers on another series of Learning & Development talks. A few months before, I was just one of the audience. By this time, I would be a part of what they would call Learning Advocates.

The experience was surreal. I was new to the team, and to the department. But with what I had, the team trusted that I would be capable of doing a three-day talk involving participants from a wide range linked to the Construction Department – which I was previously a part of.

A quick side trip outside the office led me to another public speaking event, though quite toned down a bit. I was tasked along with other members of our department to provide assistance on the educational advocacy of a private NGO in Valenzuela City. We had the chance of teaching elementary level subjects to 200 students (ranging from Grades 2 to 6). I got the chance to talk about History – something that could be found on my bucket list being that I had been a Rizal fan boy and to be honest, I just wanted to talk about Rizal, Bonifacio, and the whole bunch. I could’ve spoken for a whole hour about it.

Jumping to December, it was a bit unplanned and unexpected, but I got my first hosting gig. I got to host, together with two other friends, the year-end party of the project site I was a part of for the past three years. The project had reached its RFO status this December and we all just wanted to give back and look back to the past five years which the project had run. It was one emotional night for everyone involved, from the top-level managers down to the staffs and crew of workforce that provided help to the project.

 

The cherry on top of that final event was that my significant other was there to witness me goof on stage, with all my unnecessary hand movements, awkward swaying, and carefree touching of phones. Yes, I'm glad she was there to witness that final curtain call.

One last note, I was also under the shadow of alcohol.

Instead of imagining my audience naked, as notable speakers would say, I imagined myself naked. Thanks, free-flowing alcohol.

Life of Brian

The last time I sent you something through this, I sent my hopes of winning you back. I couldn't help but think that now could be something different.

For starters, I haven't written anything like this for quite a long while. I have been preoccupied with work, my struggles, and the things that I did in between; although mostly that would be work - being that I had quite a time trying to distract myself from the things that have been hurting me.

I tried doing therapies, or "receiving" rather. I said "tried" because I never continued them enough to be successful, I haven't had a taste of that success, sweet victory, and I couldn't even bother to ask why because in itself, that would be another way of contemplating - something that I had been trying to miss.

But still, it has been a "hit and miss". Life has been a hit and miss. It's a mess. By now, the penultimate conclusion I might have to give to this would be to distance myself from anyone. Luckily, COVID taught us we could do that, and at that, for a very long time. I've had this verse in my head that I just couldn't continue, probably something mental, but here it went, "Gone are the party hats, we're doing birthdays in facial masks...".

I've made up catchy verses before, I should know when I saw one. But, going back, a lot has been written about love, and the absence of it. Funnily enough, I came across two songs last night connected through Paul McCartney. One was something McCartney wrote but was given to Peter and Gordon, "A World Without Love". The longing of the composer was disguised through the upbeat music. Happy chords, grievous chords. In the end, the song would beg its listeners, "Would you be brave enough to live in a world without love?"

The next one would be "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys, a masterpiece from Brian Wilson. Paul McCartney had praised the song and the album where it came from multiple times, one that inspired him to create his own masterpiece, "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". In "God Only Knows", another mystery was raised, "What could I be without you? God Only Knows."

I've officially entered a quarter of life, though I wouldn't be expecting to reach a full century. And at this point, I've come to realize that I might not be fully equipped to be with someone, to be someone's someone.

At best, I'm a distraction. At worst, I'm the destruction.

Without love, and without you, what could one person really be?

God only knows.

It's always been me.

 Yesterday was evaluation day at work.

It was the day that my colleagues and I had been waiting for. It was that chance to sell ourselves to the managers, and big bosses as we scream, "Hey, boss. Here are the things that you made me do for the past year. Also listed are some things I did that were well beyond what's should be expected off of me."

I should be sad, and mad, being that I had been drained for so long and I should be giving more time to myself, to my friends, and loved ones (cliche as it is), instead of giving more time to my work.

But thinking about it now, I'm the same tired working-class hero from a year ago, I'm sad, but I'm not mad. I believe that the past year has taught me much, more than what I had during the first year and a half of my professional career. And I will always be thankful for that. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, eh?

And to be completely honest, life has not given me many options. Beggars cannot be choosers.

With that, I'd like to say that not everything from that evaluation seemed to be true. 

From someone verily deeply close to my heart told me during an argument that I haven't moved an inch from where I was months ago. I'd still get toxic over petty things; I'd still get mad over unnecessary things even if I'd rather be on the opposite side of the argument.

It had been said multiple times, "Nothing is forever," and "Change is always inevitable". However, I'd started thinking about the opposite of changing for the better.

What if I am changing, but I am vastly, but gradually, having my decline?

Tomorrow is today. Tomorrow is today.

Love Goes Full Circle in “Rocketman”

Sir Elton John had one of the best biopics ever made (or at least, it was a better biopic than “Bohemian Rhapsody” which was for Queen frontman Freddie Mercury). Aside from the historical realignment made on BohRhap, another thing that let it down for me was the presentation of the songs.

“Rocketman” did better for as for me, it was aware of what it was. A musical biopic featuring the songs made by the power duo of Elton John and Bernie Taupin to celebrate the trials and the redemption that Reggie Dwight had overcome to be Sir Elton John.

Elton John's "(I'm Gonna) Love Me Again" from umusic.ca

There are two songs that perfectly highlight the greatness of this film. There was a clear story, complete with the conflict, and ultimately, the resolution, as presented by the songs “I Want Love” and “I’m Gonna Love Me Again”.

“I Want Love” was a ballad release din 2001 from the album “Songs from the West Coast”. A music video was released to accompany the single featuring a lip-synching Robert Downey, Jr. in a one long shot.

The song was used in the film in a very effective manner. Right from the start, the viewers were made aware of the challenges that young Reggie had in his family, comprising his father, mother, and a grandmother.

“I Want Love” speaks about a long-standing longing for love. In the song, love was described as something that is of “a different kind”, something “that don’t mean a thing”, and on his “own terms”. Considering these vague descriptions about the love that he is longing for, I think it would be safe to say that these were like shots in a dartboard.

"I Want Love" album art from wikipedia.org

A vague description was given probably because the writer was unsure whether having his chance at love would even be possible. In the film, it was masterfully presented as parts of the song were given to the mother, the father, the grandmother, and Reggie as if that was their best shot at explaining why love on the family had been elusive.

Fear not though, for Reggie or Sir Elton John would figure it out eventually in the film and in real life. As the song “I’m Still Standing”, another song about redemption, the song “(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again” starts to play, completing the 360-degree turn of the film’s arc about love that was addressed by “I Want Love”.

“(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again” was written originally for the biopic. From the title, it could be inferred that the love that he had been longing for could only be satisfied by the love coming from within, from himself. The song which spoke about embracing the imperfections and visible and non-visible flaws, also told us that loving oneself is a decision that one must be inclined to achieve.

The line “Unbound by any ties that break or bend; I’m free, don’t you know?” reiterates that loving yourself first can lead you to being free, by not relying on somebody else’s love for you hold on.

Folks, let’s love us again.

 

 

Dating Apps in the New Age of the COVID-19 Scare

    How do we flirt, engage with, and/or meet and greet new people amid the Covid-19 pandemic? It may not be of top priority in situations like these. However, it's not bad to still look for someone whom you can truly share life stories, and even life itself. After all, we all have our own distinct lifelines.

With more than half of the year being consumed by efforts to contain and ultimately eradicate the Coronavirus scare, most of us are now well-informed about the various effects that the pandemic has brought to our lives. Everything is literally cancelled, not only in Twitter or other social media platforms, but in all aspects. Though there is one thing, among other essentials, that the virus has not cancelled and that is dating, or “online dating” to be more appropriate.

Big-budget movies, concert tours, and public gatherings had been postponed, if not cancelled. For a time, basketball biggest stage was postponed until the NBA Bubble was set. Schools were forced to switch to online learning to limit face-to-face interactions of the teachers and students. These events basically kept the general public in their homes, with massive amount of free time to dive into wherever their unabsorbed minds would take them, since the best way to combat the disease would be via social distancing.

If necessity is the mother of invention, it may be safe to say that boredom and having lots of available time can be father and mother to soul-searching, contemplations, developments, and ultimately, “online dating”.

· Online Dating

Dating applications and sites started surfacing way back 1959 via IBM’s “Happy Families Planning Services” (Wikipedia, 2020). Since then, we have had “Date-Mate”, “Match.com”,   “OkCupid”, and “Scout” among other dating apps and sites that have innovated based on the needs and desires of their eras. These would bring us to the modern day counterparts such as “Bumble”, “Tinder”, “Grindr”, and “Omegle”, among others.

Bumble interface from Bumble.com

    

Dating app “Bumble” recorded a 21% increase in Bumble Video Call usage (Costa, 2020) during the early stages of the Covid-19 quarantine measures. Still from the early stages of the quarantine, from March 12-22, Bumble had a 21% increase in Seattle, 23% increase in New York City, and 26% increase in San Francisco with regard to the tally of sent messages.

Another dating app, “Tinder”, also had an upsurge due to more people staying in their homes. Recorded on March 29 were 3 billion swipes made worldwide for that day alone, the most swipes the app had for a single day (Shaw, 2020).

The busiest hands now belong to only two groups of people: those who are medical researchers and professionals, and those who are swiping left and right, whether day or night, in these dating apps.

It would be not surprising to see more folks switching to online dating as another means of preventive measures due to the elephant in everybody’s room that we cannot afford to risk going out and contract the virus at the expense of the people we share our homes with. It wouldn’t just be worth the risk. Just don’t provide your exact location, or turn any GPS equipment on so you will not have unexpected visitors knocking on your doors with hands infected with Covid-19 droplets.

Additionally, it would not really be far-fetched considering that most of the things we have to do have switched to the Internet, the digital way of doing things. Take for example online streaming services replacing the satellite TV and cinemas, online classes replacing face-to-face classes, online corporate meetings via video-conferencing applications, and online banking.

· The Trouble with Online Dating

Still, online dating still has its own perils. Because romantic relationships shall still be based on both physical and emotional attractions, falling in love with someone you know only via avatar may bring risk. There is a risk of fraud. The Internet is highly vulnerable to fraudulent activities which may eventually lead to security risks. There is the risk of being hacked and exposed to the online community against your will. However, what’s worse is that fraudulent people can actually track down your location due to the access to various GPS equipment that can be manipulated into tricking you to provide information about your location.

· Dating Priorities in this Pandemic Era

The coin always has a flip side as folks would say. Having the privilege to do something at your command also brings with it certain responsibilities. Always be reminded that the use of online dating may either be a permanent adjustment or just an alternative for the physical dating we used to do. It shall still depend on how you think you are doing with dating. If doing things online increases your “datability” (the chance of you being dated by someone you want), then keep on doing the good things inclined with it.

It will always be best to have a clear understanding of what your priorities shall be. With Covid-19 still lurking, to be safe and free from the virus shall still remain at the top. No matter how long your drought has been going!

 

Sources:

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/24/how-singles-are-meeting-up-on-dating-apps-during-the-coronavirus.html

https://www.bbc.com/news/business-52743454

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_online_dating_services

Human: Rise Up, Human Up

Humans commit numerous mistakes, and shortcomings brought about by the pressure of society's academic, professional, physical, and emotional standards. It's a wonder how someone can masterfully keep up and ace life's different sets of trials.

However, more often than not, humans tend to fail in keeping up. Problems are rising, expectations are not met, small-scale issues are having focus greater than they shall have.  

This is when "resilience" comes into place. Resilience is a good thing, it means that one is able to bounce back from his mistakes and shortcomings. However, Resilience becomes a bad thing when it starts to become a thing.

Bouncing back over and over again can mean two things - either the universe is just not very friendly or the required motivation, attention, and effort are not yet set.

Another downside of not doing it right on the first time, or on banking on bouncing back, is that there is going to be less outside support. Little to no people may believe that things are going to be better this time around.  Little to no people can believe that the needed change is already in order. And the sad part of that side of the story is that nothing can be done to avoid or not have such discouraging thoughts. Blaming a customer for not believing in a product is not an option. However, one fact remains: there are mistakes, shortcomings, or failures that can never be redeemed or corrected anymore.

Photo by Sarah Kilian from unsplash.com

One option that can be done as a remedy is to stay true on the idea of bouncing back. Rise up, human up. Be that kind of human that is human enough to embrace the consequences brought about by the wrongdoings and shortcomings while also doing what is right to correct what needs to be corrected. Making things right is more about redeeming one's self from past mistakes and failures rather than trying to win back the lost outside support. 

Your second wind can finally be the win you need to turn the tables.

Taking the First Step

It has been four months since the first lockdown in Manila. With that, I've yet to have my hair cut until today. After weeks of debating with myself regarding whether or not I should have my hair cut, I finally decided to do it today.

With the new normal due to the pandemic, it'd be very surprising to still see barbershop scenarios like these. (From Facebook.com)

It wasn't easy. Since I was a kid, I wanted a longer hairstyle, one that I could slip onto the back of my ears, one that could hide my ears. School regulations didn't allow me to try having that. So when I graduated, I saw that as a chance to sport that long hairstyle, except that I had lost my silky smooth straight hair I used to have when I was a kid. Also, the Coronavirus scare was not ready to leave us yet.

My curly wavy hairstyle got me through my licensure exam last year. Now, it got me through the first four months of the Coronavirus lockdown. 

Not like last year, I was motivated and eager to do what I had to do because I knew I wouldn't ace my licensure exam without doing the essentials.

However, things were different during the past four months. I procrastinated and used the pandemic era as a reason to not strive the same. way I did last year. I was neglecting my side hustles, my writing, and further development in my profession.

For some reason, I thought that cutting my hair would be the first step in beating down this procrastinating season I've been having. Cutting my hair would mean I would no longer be accepting mediocrity in my outside appearance. Lousy hairstyles sometimes could reflect a lousy lifestyle in any aspect. 

Just as I am now back on track with my hair, I hope to also be back on track with regards to my eagerness and drive for further improvement in my professional career, passion, and character. 

It's a work in progress, but it will never start without taking that first step.

Do you feel like LETTING GO?

Let me share with you my latest experience in a grocery store. This ain't your typical grocery wish list story, hauling, or checking of the recent update on the price of goods. On the contrary, this is a story related to the first word that you read in this entry - "LET". 

*Before we go further, I will just say that the photos posted here are not mine and are taken from this website: https://www.pexels.com and I do not mean to plagiarize anyone.

Yes, this is a story about letting go. No, there is no scandalous happening here in this story, but just my own thoughts as I make my way out of that grocery store.

Yes again, I walked into a grocery store and planned to buy something but left empty-handed.

The night was just starting to cave in and capture the entire sky when I reached the grocery store. I went in, grabbed the cart and started checking off things on my grocery list. 

As I was in the crackers section, I saw an unfamiliar brand of a wafer. I immediately had the thought of buying that unfamiliar brand of a wafer for me to eat and savor during my leisure time even though I knew that it would not be wise to spend on such food.

Eventually, I listened to my urges and put it onto my cart. However, as I was making my way into the cashier, I could see that there ware already long lines of people waiting for their turn at each counter. I instantly went on to find which line seemed the best for me.

This was when letting go became the issue. Everything that I had put on my cart could be found in the nearby drugstore, except for that unfamiliar brand of wafer I spent time thinking about whether it should be bought or not. The question hanging in my mind was that should I choose to buy that unfamiliar brand of a wafer and sacrifice a little more time due to the long line waiting for me at the cashier, or should I just move on to the nearby drugstore and skip buying that unfamiliar wafer brand.



Which virtue should be at play here? Should it be the virtue of patience or the virtue of letting go?

This was what I did. Whenever I was put at the dilemma of choosing between multiple options, I weigh in the pros and the cons and I eliminate options. During that time, it was already night and I want to be home in time for dinner with my family. Moreover, I was really not in the mood to be in the presence of a lot of people. 

I was never fond of having a lot of people around me, even if they would be plain strangers. (Not into socializing, folks.)

So what I did was I took my mind away from that unfamiliar wafer brand and headed my way onto the nearby drugstore. Within 10 minutes, I was able to pick everything that was on my list. There was no line at all in the counter. Thus, I made it home just in time for dinner.

What am I really saying here, you don't really have to live in the moment at all times. You don't really have to say "YOLO". Sometimes, it can be really better to say "Live today, fight tomorrow" because you can't win your battles with just one blow. You can't win in life with just one stroke. There has been a lot of times in my life wherein I chose to play it safe so I can do more on the next day. Imagine if I had not switched stores and chose to wait in that long line to the cashier, I might not have gotten home in time, or I might have been stuck in traffic. 

Remember that there is always the best answer out of the multiple options that you have, however, there are also times when it is best to pick out the better option rather than the best. Your fate will still be determined by the actions that you will do with your decisions.

Is something bothering you right now? Know that you will have to make a decision eventually. You will not able to escape it.

So I ask you, will you let go? Will you live and heal today, so you can fight tomorrow?

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