It's always been me.

 Yesterday was evaluation day at work.

It was the day that my colleagues and I had been waiting for. It was that chance to sell ourselves to the managers, and big bosses as we scream, "Hey, boss. Here are the things that you made me do for the past year. Also listed are some things I did that were well beyond what's should be expected off of me."

I should be sad, and mad, being that I had been drained for so long and I should be giving more time to myself, to my friends, and loved ones (cliche as it is), instead of giving more time to my work.

But thinking about it now, I'm the same tired working-class hero from a year ago, I'm sad, but I'm not mad. I believe that the past year has taught me much, more than what I had during the first year and a half of my professional career. And I will always be thankful for that. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, eh?

And to be completely honest, life has not given me many options. Beggars cannot be choosers.

With that, I'd like to say that not everything from that evaluation seemed to be true. 

From someone verily deeply close to my heart told me during an argument that I haven't moved an inch from where I was months ago. I'd still get toxic over petty things; I'd still get mad over unnecessary things even if I'd rather be on the opposite side of the argument.

It had been said multiple times, "Nothing is forever," and "Change is always inevitable". However, I'd started thinking about the opposite of changing for the better.

What if I am changing, but I am vastly, but gradually, having my decline?

Tomorrow is today. Tomorrow is today.

At Home with Harry's House

 Life hasn't been as it was.

And that's how you put in the intro Harry Styles' new hit.

With that, Harry Styles' new record "Harry's House" definitely solidified his music growing on me.

This started with "Adore You" last year, and although there hadn't been any addition aside from the earlier "Sign of the Times", I could say Harry's won me over his music style. Watermelon Sugar Rush (Or High), kidding, I know it's Watermelon Sugar High - the thing is that it's still growing on me.

What really hit me on the single "As It Was", aside from the up-tempo chords and sort of '80s new wave sound that it had, was the relatability of the words. It spoke about something that has not been happening at present. As English teachers would say, it's about the habitual past. You're going to be bombarded with the words "used to", "previously", and of course, "as it was".

Life has not been as it was.

"Answer the phone

Harry, you're no good alone

Why are you sitting at home on the floor?

What kind of pills are you on?"

I've been having a close relationship with the song's third verse, except that I'm not named "Harry". But unlike him, I haven't been good alone, sitting at home (as I'm staring into nothingness), and I'm on some kind of metaphorical pill to keep my mind off of things.

And honestly, I don't know where to go from this. As I'm writing this, my train of thought can't keep it's head on the greatness of that Harry Styles song. Instead of spilling sad anecdotes, I should be speaking about how and why 'As It Was" has been played in my music streaming apps a hundred times more frequently. But I guess that's for another time.

Also, more sad anecdotes for next time. The past year has really been a rollercoaster ride, and unlike the Jonas Brothers, I don't think I'd ever want to go back and ride this rollercoaster I've been on the past year again.

Human: You, Man, is Flawed.

"Richard Cory" is a poem written by Edwin Arlington Robinson. The titular character seemed to have it all, the luxury and all the fortune that anyone would want to have. Still, he shot himself dead.

Reasons for Cory's deadly deed were not given and were just left for the reader's perception. However, if we would put some clarity to it, one possible justification was that Richard Cory was just human, like all of us. Even with all of the luxury and fortune he had, life was not complete as he wished it could have been.

It was easy to recall the story of that poem because it was adapted into a song by musicians/songwriters Simon and Garfunkel into a song. It still had the same tragedy that the poem had, also in the POV of someone who envied the life of Richard Cory.

However, a remarkable difference made in the song was the effect that the final chorus had on the song. The chorus went "But I work in his factory, and I curse the life I'm living, I curse my poverty, oh, I wish that I could be Richard Cory" and it was given another shot even after the event of Richard Cory taking his own life. 

This part of the song spoke of another human flaw that most of us seem to have: the act of looking over at someone else's graces without looking into the flip side of the coin.

People who envied the life of Richard Cory saw the brighter side while neglecting whatever could be lurking on the opposite side. Little did they know that Richard Cory had a great amount of uncertainty which ultimately led to his demise. 

At times of despair and uncertainties, it couldn't be helped to resort to the thought of having the life of someone else. However, it should not linger so much it would turn into something that couldn't, or shouldn't, be realized.

Look beyond your shoulders only to be inspired by your neighbor's triumphs. Better yet, be an inspiration to those who would look over at your exploits. Also, always seek for true happiness. 

Below is Edwin Arlington Robinson's "Richard Cory".

Richard Cory

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,

We people on the pavement looked at him:

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,

Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,

And he was always human when he talked;

But still he fluttered pulses when he said,

"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich – yes, richer than a king –

And admirably schooled in every grace:

In fine, we thought that he was everything

To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,

And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,

Went home and put a bullet through his head.

x

Human: You, Man, and Music

Being a lover of music ever since I was a child, I was able to listen to musicians/songwriters from different generations. With the wonders of today's technology, I should really be very grateful for being able to experience timeless (or and sometimes dated) music.

With that, I observed a common subject: being human. Many songwriters wrote about events that happened to them which in turn were relatable to listeners. Relatability, for me, could be the primary reason why songs could sell or become hits.

Interestingly, there were also songs written bearing the same title, or almost identical ones, like these three: 

1) Only Human by the Jonas Brothers

"Only Human" promotional photo from Wikipedia

As part of their massive 2019 comeback, the Jonas Brothers released an album called "Happiness Begins" and one of the singles was "Only Human".

Unlike the other songs on this list, this had a lighter subject and was not in any way about the tragedy of being trapped in the cycle of sadness. However, it talked of the indecisiveness and lack of focus that humans normally have. 

Described in the form of romance, human's indecisiveness often becomes a hindrance in letting happiness begin. In reality, the described romance may be replaced with dreams and goals that we are so used to dream and fantasize of without actually doing the work and.effort required.

2) Only Human by Jason Mraz

"Only Human" promotional photo from Wikipedia

Perhaps this was the most beautiful composition among the three on this list. Jason Mraz gave his listeners another masterfully-created craft. Starting off with a smooth bassline, the song's opening lines were ushered in as he sang "A squirrel in the tree, is he watching me? Does he give a damn? Does he care who I am?". Questions were already asked and the mystery of the song would just go on until its final chord would be played.

Like most of his compositions, actual meanings were left to the listeners' own interpretations. With that, there could be tons of literal and figurative interpretations of the song, which in turn captured the very essence of being human - being adaptive to cope with the different seasons of life, being open to changes.

3) You're Only Human (Second Wind) by Billy Joel

"You're Only Human (Second Wind)" promotional photo from Wikipedia

As opposed to Jason Mraz's seemingly metaphorical composition of "Only Human", Billy Joel's "You're Only Human (Second Wind)" featured straightforward and clear storytelling about someone who was about to lose it, told by someone who had conquered his/her inner demons.

Billy Joel was also depressed for a time which in turn led to both sad moments of his life and also truly heartfelt compositions like this one and "Tomorrow Is Today". 

"You're Only Human (Second Wind)" talked about the importance of standing up again, and.bouncing back from your mistakes and failures. 

Although positive encouragement is great and will always be welcomed, the case is not like that most of the time. Mistakes and failures often define the personality of a person as dictated by the society in which we live in. And that is one human flaw we shall try to refrain from doing. Certain mistakes and wrongdoings shall be punished, penalized even, however, there are still some that should be treated with compassion and understanding. One must know where the fine line is.

"Don't forget your second wind," as the song reminds us.

Human: Rise Up, Human Up

Humans commit numerous mistakes, and shortcomings brought about by the pressure of society's academic, professional, physical, and emotional standards. It's a wonder how someone can masterfully keep up and ace life's different sets of trials.

However, more often than not, humans tend to fail in keeping up. Problems are rising, expectations are not met, small-scale issues are having focus greater than they shall have.  

This is when "resilience" comes into place. Resilience is a good thing, it means that one is able to bounce back from his mistakes and shortcomings. However, Resilience becomes a bad thing when it starts to become a thing.

Bouncing back over and over again can mean two things - either the universe is just not very friendly or the required motivation, attention, and effort are not yet set.

Another downside of not doing it right on the first time, or on banking on bouncing back, is that there is going to be less outside support. Little to no people may believe that things are going to be better this time around.  Little to no people can believe that the needed change is already in order. And the sad part of that side of the story is that nothing can be done to avoid or not have such discouraging thoughts. Blaming a customer for not believing in a product is not an option. However, one fact remains: there are mistakes, shortcomings, or failures that can never be redeemed or corrected anymore.

Photo by Sarah Kilian from unsplash.com

One option that can be done as a remedy is to stay true on the idea of bouncing back. Rise up, human up. Be that kind of human that is human enough to embrace the consequences brought about by the wrongdoings and shortcomings while also doing what is right to correct what needs to be corrected. Making things right is more about redeeming one's self from past mistakes and failures rather than trying to win back the lost outside support. 

Your second wind can finally be the win you need to turn the tables.

MOVIE REVIEW: Through Night and Day

As hopeless romantics, we have been yearning for a love that would last a lifetime, one that would go on through days and nights of romance with the one you love. 

"Through Night and Day" promotional poster for Netflix streaming from Twitter.com

Filipino movie, "Through Night and Day", gave us a love story so watchable you could finish it in one sitting. It won't take you a whole day and night to satisfyingly finish the movie, with the tearjerking romance of Ben and Jen.

The film started off smoothly, a typical opening scene for a love story. Ben asked for Jen's hand in marriage after serenading her in front of a huge local bar crowd. Jen gladly accepted the proposal and the marriage planning was on.

Part of the marriage planning was them going to Iceland for both a vacation and a chance for their prenup photo ops. During this stretch of the film, the struggles of dealing with your significant other were shown effectively. There was Ben's annoyance of Jen's indecisiveness, while for Jen, there was Ben's short temper. The film proved to be prophetic when it said that you would really get to know someone when you're just by yourselves, like when you're traveling.

However, the tragedy of the film was only beginning by then. The persistent misunderstandings of the two led to a break up while they were about to head home, during Jen's favorite time of the day on her favorite place.

Years went on and they were apart with new lives. It was revealed that Ben's got a new fiancée, while Jen's got a new problem to deal with - a disease that would eventually get the better of her by the end of the film.

The events of the third part of the film weren't about resolutions but about redemptions instead. Upon knowing about Jen's sickness, Ben reached out to her by making time to make up for lost chances they should've had, had they not broken up. Ultimately, Jen's exit was ushered through a sunset moment with Ben - a much better sunset moment that would take the place of the tragic sunset moment they had back in Iceland. 

The best bit of the film for me was when they were both lectured about love and long-term relationships from their parents. Compromise, patience, and respect should always be important elements of a relationship. Love alone couldn't do the trick. 

"My Own Shit"

Jason Mraz released a much-awaited studio album in 2018 called "Know" and it was his sixth. However, only 10 songs made it in the album’s tracklist. Other gems from the singer/songwriter’s roster had to be still unreleased. One of those unreleased gems was a song called “My Own Shit”.

Jason Mraz from redandblack.com

LINK FROM YOUTUBE:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJ8mWOb3Pro

Judging from the title, it was not very radio-friendly with regards to the profanity of the word “shit”. In line with this, a song from that album called “Unlonely” used the word “fruck” to disguise some other word that rhymes with it. Going beyond the title, one would really feel the emotion running through the course of the whole song. I would say that “My Own Shit” could humanize whoever is singing along with it.

With only audience recordings of the song’s rare performance available, it could be said that non-concertgoers like me would be able to grasp the meaning of the song.

The song starts off with these lines.

“Everybody’s got a little bit of their own

I got voices inside

And I got fears I still hide

I’m gonna break down sometimes

‘Cause I got tears I must cry

I’ve got wrongs I get to right

Truth be told I’ve told some lies

I’ve got friends I’ve got to find

And I still need to apologize…”

Soon after, Jason leads us to this wonderful chorus.

“Everybody's got, everybody's got

Everybody's got their demons

Everybody got their reasons

Everybody goes to seasons

Trying to hold on

Everybody’s got their own shit

Everybody's got to own it

Everybody's got those hardships they're trying to let go of

I've got my own”

The song tells us about the struggle present in one’s life. There are conflicts involving friends, parents and families, and even lovers. But as for me, the most difficult one to handle would be the conflicts that one could have with their own self. Those inner demons can damage you more than anything else, and eventually be the roots of the conflicts one is bound to have with some, if not all, of the relationships and interactions needed for harmonious living.

It can be very challenging to admit that you have issues and roots of conflicts within you. What can make it work is knowing that “everybody’s got a little bit of their own”. Knowing that we all experience problems though they may not be entirely similar. It is not about the joy knowing that there is somebody else feeling the same agony that you feel, but it is instead about the thought that you are not alone. “I am not the only one who is still a work in progress.”

The worst thing that one can feel after acknowledging the existence of his/her demons and conflicts is the feeling of being alone. One shall not be a lone fighter in this world. One cannot overcome his battles alone. Being there for someone can be really instrumental in accomplishing that work in progress.