It's always been me.

 Yesterday was evaluation day at work.

It was the day that my colleagues and I had been waiting for. It was that chance to sell ourselves to the managers, and big bosses as we scream, "Hey, boss. Here are the things that you made me do for the past year. Also listed are some things I did that were well beyond what's should be expected off of me."

I should be sad, and mad, being that I had been drained for so long and I should be giving more time to myself, to my friends, and loved ones (cliche as it is), instead of giving more time to my work.

But thinking about it now, I'm the same tired working-class hero from a year ago, I'm sad, but I'm not mad. I believe that the past year has taught me much, more than what I had during the first year and a half of my professional career. And I will always be thankful for that. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, eh?

And to be completely honest, life has not given me many options. Beggars cannot be choosers.

With that, I'd like to say that not everything from that evaluation seemed to be true. 

From someone verily deeply close to my heart told me during an argument that I haven't moved an inch from where I was months ago. I'd still get toxic over petty things; I'd still get mad over unnecessary things even if I'd rather be on the opposite side of the argument.

It had been said multiple times, "Nothing is forever," and "Change is always inevitable". However, I'd started thinking about the opposite of changing for the better.

What if I am changing, but I am vastly, but gradually, having my decline?

Tomorrow is today. Tomorrow is today.

Wish I Was

Here goes verses I thought of during one my worst days. Here's another thought though: Why do we call the "end" as the "judgement time" when most of our time in this world are used on judging our fellow inhabitants? 

I sometimes wish I was dead

People only think of the good things

What good things were said

And not the bad that I did

I sometimes wish I was dead

Life was a race, and definitely a waste

'Cause I ain't the one who led 

For I don't got the haste

I sometimes wish I was dead

'Cause it's hard to leave my past mistakes

Of such tragedies, I was always reminded

Like a bootleg recording with lots of takes

I sometimes wish I was dead

For they say I couldn't change my attitude

No matter how I try to bend

I still seem to be up to no good

Will my wish ever be real 

Can I be hopeful instead, and not just wishful

I don't really know what else to feel

I don't have much more to say, I'm a fool

Maybe I shouldn't even rush it

We'd all be going, at present day's rate

I just hope when my time's been hit

I'd take with me all your disgust, anger and hate