Wish I Was

Here goes verses I thought of during one my worst days. Here's another thought though: Why do we call the "end" as the "judgement time" when most of our time in this world are used on judging our fellow inhabitants? 

I sometimes wish I was dead

People only think of the good things

What good things were said

And not the bad that I did

I sometimes wish I was dead

Life was a race, and definitely a waste

'Cause I ain't the one who led 

For I don't got the haste

I sometimes wish I was dead

'Cause it's hard to leave my past mistakes

Of such tragedies, I was always reminded

Like a bootleg recording with lots of takes

I sometimes wish I was dead

For they say I couldn't change my attitude

No matter how I try to bend

I still seem to be up to no good

Will my wish ever be real 

Can I be hopeful instead, and not just wishful

I don't really know what else to feel

I don't have much more to say, I'm a fool

Maybe I shouldn't even rush it

We'd all be going, at present day's rate

I just hope when my time's been hit

I'd take with me all your disgust, anger and hate

Happy Anniversary

A 2018 Netflix movie called "Happy Anniversary" explored and gave us the story of a couple that was supposed to celebrate their third wedding anniversary. Sadly, it was not a happy one.

Official movie poster from imdb.com

Directed by Jared Stern, his directorial debut, "Happy Anniversary" opened up with the woman saying to her man that she was "not happy". For a person who has been having a long-term relationship with somebody, that has got to be shattering. No person who invested his or her love deeply would be happy after hearing those words. However, those words should not be taken away from couples. Those words should be said one way or another.

"Not happy" does not always mean "I want to get away from you, I want to leave you, I don't love you anymore." Sometimes, it only means "there is something wrong that should be fixed." Long-term relationships are messy, a crazy roller coaster ride with lots of bumps, curves, and ups and downs, but the thing that makes it worthwhile is this: You are in that roller coaster ride with that someone you love deeply sitting beside you and taking the challenges that come along in the ride with you. 

Personally, I have a lot to think about this very topic. Not that I am unsure with my love, but because I have numerous wrongdoings and shortcomings, I do not know if I am still worth her love.

I wanted her to change into the person that I wanted her to be - to be just as mature and to be the same person as I am. However, that thinking was wrong in all aspects. I should not be wanting her to change, I should just accept her as she was when I decided that I would court her and ask for a chance to love her. Here's what I just learned - both of us had our own shares of wrongdoings, shortcomings, and personal issues, among other flaws. I should not blame her for that and force her to change, and vice versa. Accepting that love could still be perfect despite the imperfections, that would be a clear sign of true love. Love would do the work eventually.

Another thing that I should be very sorry for, I wanted love to be convenient. However, love would never be convenient at all times. Love would be expressed and shown best when it would be inconvenient. When there would be hassle, stress, and irritations for you, and you would still go all the way just to show love to that person, that would be a clear sign that you truly love that person. 

I have broken most of the promises I made, however, as long as I have the time, I would try to replace those promises with legit actions to let you know I would still love you no matter what. 

Still, love is on its way. Love is still going to keep on loving you. I am sorry.

Happiness in a relationship is not forever because quarrels and misunderstandings are inevitable. Staying in a relationship is a decision you should make, just as happiness is a decision to look on the brighter side of things. Acceptance truly is the key.