Life of Brian

The last time I sent you something through this, I sent my hopes of winning you back. I couldn't help but think that now could be something different.

For starters, I haven't written anything like this for quite a long while. I have been preoccupied with work, my struggles, and the things that I did in between; although mostly that would be work - being that I had quite a time trying to distract myself from the things that have been hurting me.

I tried doing therapies, or "receiving" rather. I said "tried" because I never continued them enough to be successful, I haven't had a taste of that success, sweet victory, and I couldn't even bother to ask why because in itself, that would be another way of contemplating - something that I had been trying to miss.

But still, it has been a "hit and miss". Life has been a hit and miss. It's a mess. By now, the penultimate conclusion I might have to give to this would be to distance myself from anyone. Luckily, COVID taught us we could do that, and at that, for a very long time. I've had this verse in my head that I just couldn't continue, probably something mental, but here it went, "Gone are the party hats, we're doing birthdays in facial masks...".

I've made up catchy verses before, I should know when I saw one. But, going back, a lot has been written about love, and the absence of it. Funnily enough, I came across two songs last night connected through Paul McCartney. One was something McCartney wrote but was given to Peter and Gordon, "A World Without Love". The longing of the composer was disguised through the upbeat music. Happy chords, grievous chords. In the end, the song would beg its listeners, "Would you be brave enough to live in a world without love?"

The next one would be "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys, a masterpiece from Brian Wilson. Paul McCartney had praised the song and the album where it came from multiple times, one that inspired him to create his own masterpiece, "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". In "God Only Knows", another mystery was raised, "What could I be without you? God Only Knows."

I've officially entered a quarter of life, though I wouldn't be expecting to reach a full century. And at this point, I've come to realize that I might not be fully equipped to be with someone, to be someone's someone.

At best, I'm a distraction. At worst, I'm the destruction.

Without love, and without you, what could one person really be?

God only knows.

Human: You, Man, is Flawed.

"Richard Cory" is a poem written by Edwin Arlington Robinson. The titular character seemed to have it all, the luxury and all the fortune that anyone would want to have. Still, he shot himself dead.

Reasons for Cory's deadly deed were not given and were just left for the reader's perception. However, if we would put some clarity to it, one possible justification was that Richard Cory was just human, like all of us. Even with all of the luxury and fortune he had, life was not complete as he wished it could have been.

It was easy to recall the story of that poem because it was adapted into a song by musicians/songwriters Simon and Garfunkel into a song. It still had the same tragedy that the poem had, also in the POV of someone who envied the life of Richard Cory.

However, a remarkable difference made in the song was the effect that the final chorus had on the song. The chorus went "But I work in his factory, and I curse the life I'm living, I curse my poverty, oh, I wish that I could be Richard Cory" and it was given another shot even after the event of Richard Cory taking his own life. 

This part of the song spoke of another human flaw that most of us seem to have: the act of looking over at someone else's graces without looking into the flip side of the coin.

People who envied the life of Richard Cory saw the brighter side while neglecting whatever could be lurking on the opposite side. Little did they know that Richard Cory had a great amount of uncertainty which ultimately led to his demise. 

At times of despair and uncertainties, it couldn't be helped to resort to the thought of having the life of someone else. However, it should not linger so much it would turn into something that couldn't, or shouldn't, be realized.

Look beyond your shoulders only to be inspired by your neighbor's triumphs. Better yet, be an inspiration to those who would look over at your exploits. Also, always seek for true happiness. 

Below is Edwin Arlington Robinson's "Richard Cory".

Richard Cory

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,

We people on the pavement looked at him:

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,

Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,

And he was always human when he talked;

But still he fluttered pulses when he said,

"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich – yes, richer than a king –

And admirably schooled in every grace:

In fine, we thought that he was everything

To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,

And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,

Went home and put a bullet through his head.

x

Human: You, Man, and Music

Being a lover of music ever since I was a child, I was able to listen to musicians/songwriters from different generations. With the wonders of today's technology, I should really be very grateful for being able to experience timeless (or and sometimes dated) music.

With that, I observed a common subject: being human. Many songwriters wrote about events that happened to them which in turn were relatable to listeners. Relatability, for me, could be the primary reason why songs could sell or become hits.

Interestingly, there were also songs written bearing the same title, or almost identical ones, like these three: 

1) Only Human by the Jonas Brothers

"Only Human" promotional photo from Wikipedia

As part of their massive 2019 comeback, the Jonas Brothers released an album called "Happiness Begins" and one of the singles was "Only Human".

Unlike the other songs on this list, this had a lighter subject and was not in any way about the tragedy of being trapped in the cycle of sadness. However, it talked of the indecisiveness and lack of focus that humans normally have. 

Described in the form of romance, human's indecisiveness often becomes a hindrance in letting happiness begin. In reality, the described romance may be replaced with dreams and goals that we are so used to dream and fantasize of without actually doing the work and.effort required.

2) Only Human by Jason Mraz

"Only Human" promotional photo from Wikipedia

Perhaps this was the most beautiful composition among the three on this list. Jason Mraz gave his listeners another masterfully-created craft. Starting off with a smooth bassline, the song's opening lines were ushered in as he sang "A squirrel in the tree, is he watching me? Does he give a damn? Does he care who I am?". Questions were already asked and the mystery of the song would just go on until its final chord would be played.

Like most of his compositions, actual meanings were left to the listeners' own interpretations. With that, there could be tons of literal and figurative interpretations of the song, which in turn captured the very essence of being human - being adaptive to cope with the different seasons of life, being open to changes.

3) You're Only Human (Second Wind) by Billy Joel

"You're Only Human (Second Wind)" promotional photo from Wikipedia

As opposed to Jason Mraz's seemingly metaphorical composition of "Only Human", Billy Joel's "You're Only Human (Second Wind)" featured straightforward and clear storytelling about someone who was about to lose it, told by someone who had conquered his/her inner demons.

Billy Joel was also depressed for a time which in turn led to both sad moments of his life and also truly heartfelt compositions like this one and "Tomorrow Is Today". 

"You're Only Human (Second Wind)" talked about the importance of standing up again, and.bouncing back from your mistakes and failures. 

Although positive encouragement is great and will always be welcomed, the case is not like that most of the time. Mistakes and failures often define the personality of a person as dictated by the society in which we live in. And that is one human flaw we shall try to refrain from doing. Certain mistakes and wrongdoings shall be punished, penalized even, however, there are still some that should be treated with compassion and understanding. One must know where the fine line is.

"Don't forget your second wind," as the song reminds us.

Paper Year

In the next series of blog posts, along with this one, I will take you to what went on during our anniversaries, or love birthdays, as we call it.

It was April 1, 2017, and we just had our first year together. To be honest, it was not really easy but, hey, it was very worth it. The honeymoon stage really felt like a honeymoon with love overflowing, while also adjusting to the new things that we learned about each other. 

Much like one year ago, we just had some misunderstanding before our first birthday. I had some personal flaws that she wanted me to rid, (which I still have as of writing and it's not something I should be proud of). We settled in and choose to stay with each other despite my wrongdoings, had our favorite, Burger King, and headed onto Ball Pit Manila in Makati City.

Ball Pit Manila logo from Facebook.com

Ball Pit Manila had already caught our attention even months before our birthday and we really wanted to come and see what had been going viral in social media. Ball Pit Manila had this pool of white plastic balls that you could drown yourself into. 

I made the reservations and when we went there, it met our expectations and we had a very good time feeling like a kid once again. As for me, I never experienced playing outdoors with neighbors, and other kids and that made the Ball Pit Manila moment a really enjoyable and memorable one since I don't really have a lot of memories playing happily and care-free with someone outside my family. I was happy that it had to be you, love.

Aside from the huge pool of balls, the murals and the ambiance of the place were really inviting. It had that innocent but very engaging feel to it. We also had the chance to play card games, and board games! The stay really made us feel like childhood friends turned classroom lovers.

After the events at Ball Pit Manila, we went on to a massage parlor called "Mont Albo Massage Hut" and had our first massage treatment together. Before the actual massaging, we were first scrubbed by the therapists. Then, the massaging that went on for about an hour really made us felt relaxed and free from all negative auras that could invade us. I just did not like it when they had to put massage oil between our fingers. That gave me a really irritating feeling. The finger massage did so, too. I kind of hated them.

Mont Albo Massage Hut logo from montalbomassage.com

However, I was with the love of my life so I just ignored everything and started to live in the moment. And I could feel that in that very moment, the presence of love was undoubtedly together with us. Forgotten was the earlier dispute.

Before going home, we went on to try a nearby "Sinangag Express" (a Tapsilogan) and it was good. Everything was going our way that night, and I could not be any happier. I bade her goodbye and kissed her in the forehead. Happy first birthday to us, love!

A paper may be thin, and easy to scratch on and be crumpled, however, it can still be straightened and fixed to pave way for a new chapter of love mixed with of happiness, and sadness.

Happy Anniversary

A 2018 Netflix movie called "Happy Anniversary" explored and gave us the story of a couple that was supposed to celebrate their third wedding anniversary. Sadly, it was not a happy one.

Official movie poster from imdb.com

Directed by Jared Stern, his directorial debut, "Happy Anniversary" opened up with the woman saying to her man that she was "not happy". For a person who has been having a long-term relationship with somebody, that has got to be shattering. No person who invested his or her love deeply would be happy after hearing those words. However, those words should not be taken away from couples. Those words should be said one way or another.

"Not happy" does not always mean "I want to get away from you, I want to leave you, I don't love you anymore." Sometimes, it only means "there is something wrong that should be fixed." Long-term relationships are messy, a crazy roller coaster ride with lots of bumps, curves, and ups and downs, but the thing that makes it worthwhile is this: You are in that roller coaster ride with that someone you love deeply sitting beside you and taking the challenges that come along in the ride with you. 

Personally, I have a lot to think about this very topic. Not that I am unsure with my love, but because I have numerous wrongdoings and shortcomings, I do not know if I am still worth her love.

I wanted her to change into the person that I wanted her to be - to be just as mature and to be the same person as I am. However, that thinking was wrong in all aspects. I should not be wanting her to change, I should just accept her as she was when I decided that I would court her and ask for a chance to love her. Here's what I just learned - both of us had our own shares of wrongdoings, shortcomings, and personal issues, among other flaws. I should not blame her for that and force her to change, and vice versa. Accepting that love could still be perfect despite the imperfections, that would be a clear sign of true love. Love would do the work eventually.

Another thing that I should be very sorry for, I wanted love to be convenient. However, love would never be convenient at all times. Love would be expressed and shown best when it would be inconvenient. When there would be hassle, stress, and irritations for you, and you would still go all the way just to show love to that person, that would be a clear sign that you truly love that person. 

I have broken most of the promises I made, however, as long as I have the time, I would try to replace those promises with legit actions to let you know I would still love you no matter what. 

Still, love is on its way. Love is still going to keep on loving you. I am sorry.

Happiness in a relationship is not forever because quarrels and misunderstandings are inevitable. Staying in a relationship is a decision you should make, just as happiness is a decision to look on the brighter side of things. Acceptance truly is the key.