December 31, 2022

Remember This

 
What better way to end the passing year than to recap all moments good and bad. Being able to do so on a positive note is a good sign. This just means that mostly good moments are to be remembered, or one is just simply looking for the good, as Jason Mraz wants us to do - Look for the good in everything.
 

Here’s how Rem remembers 2022, the year that was. Life has been hard for the most of us, in varying degrees. Here’s to hoping everyone’s changed for the better during these past years.

 

Looking back, and I don’t mean to hate the whole of 2021, but 2021 was quite a trashy one. I describe it as the start of my downfall, or as others may say, “the beginning of the end”. I’m still glad I’m finally over that.

 

As the calendar switched to the year 2022, I thought it would just be the same as last year. There were the intensified and heavily extended hours on my draining job, the supposedly day-job that turned out to be a two-shift job for weeks. Since I’ve been working in a fast-paced Construction industry, I understood the demand albeit, the hours were really draining.

 

Next was the story of how alcohol got the better of me most of the time. I could still remember how the severity of my drinking gradually increased year-by-year. (You must understand though that I was not a heavy drinker back in my academic days, only had the chance to do so during the December Holidays.) By 2019, as I started my career, I went out for drinks, but they were verily tamed. I still got to get home by myself. By 2021, there had been instances wherein I couldn’t remember how I got on the bed the morning after regardless of whose bed it turned out to be.

 

And as 2022 came, at least during the first three quarters, more instances of such events happened. I could only hear the stories the morning after. I wouldn’t believe them though; my mind was not present to witness the horrific events. Pics or didn’t happen.

 

I looked back on the year before, during the awarding season of 2021 in our company, I ranked 3rd on the Top Innovators with Synergy Points category (couldn’t remember the exact name of the category). I got praises from my supervisor/mentor at site; however, efforts were still short to be placed at the top spot. It was at that moment when I vowed to myself that come next year, I would be aiming to be number one by the end of the year.

 

Lo and behold, I did. It was the perfect You should’ve seen me, I was great.” Rocky moment intended for all the non-believers. Kidding. But kidding aside, I think I could say that was the result of weeks (or months?) of doing at least 15 hours of work every day per week, I thought I even went for 18 hours of work for some weeks during the first quarter. This was even before then-Vice President Leni Robredo’s 18-hour workday remark. I could literally vouch for that. And with that, I'd love to say again what I said on the night of May 9th.


 “Fuck you, XXXXX”. 

You fill in the blanks.

 

With me on the night of the awarding was the greatest gift I could ever ask for, the one who changed it all and came right in the nick of time. Pun intended. NIKKA. With her, I started having the smile I thought I had lost the previous year. With Nikka, I was back on the right track. I turned right into her arms. And I still couldn’t comprehend what I did right, how I got to be with her. Lucky me.

 

We met back in July, my birth month (perhaps some sort of foreshadowing). She naturally turned out to be the greatest gift ever, even greater than the Most Greatest / Bestest president in the galaxy ever (which has now become a statistical tie between theturtle and 88M) – Pinoy pride moment. From then, we started becoming workmates, nothing more than that during the first half of her stay.

 

Fun fact: we were the lone holders of the same job title/position. We were both “Coordinators”. She was the BIM Coordinator, I was the MEPF Coordinator. Another foreshadowing? Or rather the ultimate explanation how easily we coordinated with each other. Mystery solved.

 

The start of our coordinating outside of work was not easy. I couldn’t even get one-word replies from her. Yes, I started trying to build something to work on, I was trying to get to know her in my own terms. I wanted to know more about her. “What’s in it for her?” you might ask, well, she would get to know me too. Looking back, I thought that the flaw in my direction to get to know her was that I was doing it in my own terms. Little did I know back then that it would be best to keep the flow moving naturally.

 

As I went with the flow, and literally passed by the flow of the Boracay seas, things started clicking. A week after I returned from a quick vacation, the Rem and Nikka ball had started rolling, and it has not stopped since.

 

One thing that she did that I deeply loved and appreciated was the way she cared for me back when I was a t my lowest point professionally. She was there as I rested my mind and started venting out things, I could not speak of with my supervisors around.  She let me have my time off and hugged me and treated me as if I was a helpless homeless man. And there I thought, I might have found myself the home I’ve been looking for.

 

Ben and Ben sang, “Kay tagal ko nang nag-iisa, and’yan ka lang pala,” as for me, I have my own version. Nikka, “kay tagal ko nang naghihintay, nariyan ka lang pala.” Thank you for being there, thank you for being the plot twist of the rollercoaster that was becoming a never-ending amusement park ride.

 

I am now open to more changes coming from my end, for us to achieve greater heights as newcomers, the new team to beat if I may say. But hey, love and being committed in loving someone is never a race or a competition. It’s a commitment, plain and simple. But only filled with love, respect, and trust – all of which I am now ready to handover to you, Nikka.

 

But with you, I’d go back and ride any kind of rollercoaster. Hold on tight.


As you have read, I mostly spoke of the good part, trying to give out a positive outlook, However, it wouldn't always be a brighter side in reality. And as Jason Mraz (again) sang, 

"Sometimes it may seem dark, but the absence of the light is a necessary part".

 



Here’s to the changes that will happen in 2023! May we be open and be freer, safer, and happier than ever.

September 11, 2022

Hold On?

It sucks how I'm still failing on the things that I've been doing for more than a few months.

I've been living on mediocrity, and nothing has gotten better, nothing has been under my control.

If I can't even do the small things the right way, how will I be able to keep up on much larger things?

I can barely hold on.

If I can, I'll let myself out the first chance I get. Maybe this will make things better finally. There will definitely be no additional failures from me. 

May 30, 2022

At Home with Harry's House

 Life hasn't been as it was.

And that's how you put in the intro Harry Styles' new hit.

With that, Harry Styles' new record "Harry's House" definitely solidified his music growing on me.

This started with "Adore You" last year, and although there hadn't been any addition aside from the earlier "Sign of the Times", I could say Harry's won me over his music style. Watermelon Sugar Rush (Or High), kidding, I know it's Watermelon Sugar High - the thing is that it's still growing on me.

What really hit me on the single "As It Was", aside from the up-tempo chords and sort of '80s new wave sound that it had, was the relatability of the words. It spoke about something that has not been happening at present. As English teachers would say, it's about the habitual past. You're going to be bombarded with the words "used to", "previously", and of course, "as it was".

Life has not been as it was.

"Answer the phone
Harry, you're no good alone
Why are you sitting at home on the floor?
What kind of pills are you on?"

I've been having a close relationship with the song's third verse, except that I'm not named "Harry". But unlike him, I haven't been good alone, sitting at home (as I'm staring into nothingness), and I'm on some kind of metaphorical pill to keep my mind off of things.

And honestly, I don't know where to go from this. As I'm writing this, my train of thought can't keep it's head on the greatness of that Harry Styles song. Instead of spilling sad anecdotes, I should be speaking about how and why 'As It Was" has been played in my music streaming apps a hundred times more frequently. But I guess that's for another time.

Also, more sad anecdotes for next time. The past year has really been a rollercoaster ride, and unlike the Jonas Brothers, I don't think I'd ever want to go back and ride this rollercoaster I've been on the past year again.


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