Taking the First Step

It has been four months since the first lockdown in Manila. With that, I've yet to have my hair cut until today. After weeks of debating with myself regarding whether or not I should have my hair cut, I finally decided to do it today.

With the new normal due to the pandemic, it'd be very surprising to still see barbershop scenarios like these. (From Facebook.com)

It wasn't easy. Since I was a kid, I wanted a longer hairstyle, one that I could slip onto the back of my ears, one that could hide my ears. School regulations didn't allow me to try having that. So when I graduated, I saw that as a chance to sport that long hairstyle, except that I had lost my silky smooth straight hair I used to have when I was a kid. Also, the Coronavirus scare was not ready to leave us yet.

My curly wavy hairstyle got me through my licensure exam last year. Now, it got me through the first four months of the Coronavirus lockdown. 

Not like last year, I was motivated and eager to do what I had to do because I knew I wouldn't ace my licensure exam without doing the essentials.

However, things were different during the past four months. I procrastinated and used the pandemic era as a reason to not strive the same. way I did last year. I was neglecting my side hustles, my writing, and further development in my profession.

For some reason, I thought that cutting my hair would be the first step in beating down this procrastinating season I've been having. Cutting my hair would mean I would no longer be accepting mediocrity in my outside appearance. Lousy hairstyles sometimes could reflect a lousy lifestyle in any aspect. 

Just as I am now back on track with my hair, I hope to also be back on track with regards to my eagerness and drive for further improvement in my professional career, passion, and character. 

It's a work in progress, but it will never start without taking that first step.

Wish I Was

Here goes verses I thought of during one my worst days. Here's another thought though: Why do we call the "end" as the "judgement time" when most of our time in this world are used on judging our fellow inhabitants? 

I sometimes wish I was dead

People only think of the good things

What good things were said

And not the bad that I did

I sometimes wish I was dead

Life was a race, and definitely a waste

'Cause I ain't the one who led 

For I don't got the haste

I sometimes wish I was dead

'Cause it's hard to leave my past mistakes

Of such tragedies, I was always reminded

Like a bootleg recording with lots of takes

I sometimes wish I was dead

For they say I couldn't change my attitude

No matter how I try to bend

I still seem to be up to no good

Will my wish ever be real 

Can I be hopeful instead, and not just wishful

I don't really know what else to feel

I don't have much more to say, I'm a fool

Maybe I shouldn't even rush it

We'd all be going, at present day's rate

I just hope when my time's been hit

I'd take with me all your disgust, anger and hate

Love?

"What's love without trust and respect?"

"I don't know, but as long as there is love, you can't give up on it."

I want to ask you something

It's a question about love

How would you get the feeling

That it is sent from above

You long for love

But not only love

You need trust and respect

That's how it works in your retrospect

But what if I can't 

Give those three that you called

Does it mean we're not meant

To be together after all

You long for love,

I'm afraid, I do, too

Also, I'm not perfect

Oh girl, please don't you try to expect

But I'd give love

I'd pour love onto you

Oh, don't give up

Just give me love, too

As much as I want to linger

I have a feeling I could not

I have a feeling I'm not what you ordered

Somebody might take my spot

'Cause you long for love

But not only love

Little by little, piece by piece

I will try to be the man of your dreams

Photo by Gus Moretta from unsplash.com